just lonely:l

without my heart and soul. distracted. restless. this was how i entered the place of God today. my church. :( a sanctuary which i always regarded. has been broken this time. throughout the day, i felt alot. i questioned myself, "have i really progressed as a christian?". listened to preachings. helped out in sunday sch. read the bible. aca seldom. i inched forward. today weifang laoshi played a video in sunday school abt this person (nick vujicic) who was borned without limbs. he shared about how grateful he was to God. it was amazing how much faith and yearning he has for God. then i looked at things that happening around me. my cell group for instance. amidst all the hanging out, did we really sincerely take the effort to ask how another was doing? especially the newer ones then follow-up with showers of prayer..i'm guilty. truly i am. ashamed. or the other people in church.

when i heading back on the bus, a stranger helped a blind unto the bus. the blind felt his way to the sit facing me. i observed him for awhile. he was in his sixties carrying a black bag and his cane. upon sitting down, he folded his cane instinctively and hid it beneath his bag which was on his lap and slept leaning on the window. why hid his cane? soon i appeared to me that he seemed insecure of his surroundings. he didnt want any to know that he was blind so that he could not be taken advantaged of. it was saddening to see something like this. how lonely and insecure he can be.

i realised that we shldnt be asking God, "why are we made this way?" or "why wouldnt you give me this or that?" but rather the question God is asking us is, "do you trust in me?" and when we say "yes" to that question, nothing else matters. :)

and this is my peace.